The Colorado Counselor Blog

We have all heard the term "emotional eating."  Many people tend to gain weight or struggle with loosing unwanted pounds through emotional eating.  Emotional eating occurs when you eat to cope with certain emotions.  Well, now that we know what it is, why is it so difficult to stop? Often times people have a very complex and deep seeded emotional interplay that occurs when they eat out of emotion.  This can be confusing for the most intelligent of people, therefore they struggle gaining control over this maladaptive way of coping.

So, how can we "fix" this?  We all know that eating does not cure negative emotions.  I have been using Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing Therapy (EMDR) to treat my clients who struggle with emotional eating.  EMDR has proven to be an effective therapeutic modality used with my clients who eat to cope with emotions.

How does EMDR therapy work?  This approach utilizes an image and the negative cognition (thought), body sensations, and emotions that are linked to it.  You then follow a light with your eyes and/or use pulsers in your hands or ears to bilaterally stimulate your brain as you reprocess the image.

Perhaps a woman eats when she feel she is not good enough.  The earliest image she can recall of "not feeling good enough" occurred when she attempted to earn the affections of her father through performing well in sports.  She always felt that she fell short of his expectations, and would cope with not feeling good enough by eating.  This behavior had been in place nearly her entire life and often times feels "not good enough" around her husband.  Through reprocessing the painful image of her father's discontent, by bilaterally stimulating the brain through the EMDR process, those images of "not feeling good enough" will have less of an emotional charge.  Therefore, when her "not feeling good enough" button gets triggered, she will not experience an emotional charge that seems so overwhelming she can only handle it through eating.  At this time, she will be able to face and handle her emotions when she is triggered in a more skillful manner.

To learn more about EMDR visit www.thecoloradocounselor.com/emdr, www.emdria.com, or www.emdr.com.

Becoming Unstuck - By: Sarah James LCSW, CAC II

Published By: www.selfgrowth.com July 2010

Many people find themselves in a place in life where they feel completely stuck. They recognize their discomfort in the situation and wonder how they got there. The discomfort increases when the individual realizes they do not know how to transcend the situation and find relief.

There are several steps to consider as we work to become unstuck:

Step 1: We need to look into our inner blueprint to gain an understanding of our history that led us to this situation. Our blueprint displays the inner workings of our history and can provide information as to how we landed in the situation we currently reside. We find comfort and a decrease in confusion and anxiety by becoming intimate with our inner workings. Being unconscious of our blueprint often times leads us to reenact our past in our future. An example would be if a woman consistently dated men who were untrustworthy, distant, and moody. She may wonder how she always ends up with these types of individuals. An alcoholic father who indeed was untrustworthy, distant, and moody may have raised this particular woman. She is dating what is familiar to her, but not necessarily what she wants, thus leaving her with feelings of being stuck in finding a strong connection with a mate.

Step 2: Become aware of what is familiar to you, but begin to create your own personal manual that is going to create the life you are seeking. This manual needs to include your likes and dislikes, your needs and wants. Then use this manual to place yourself in environments and relationships that will link you closer to your end goals. This manual may also include certain thoughts, emotions, and even body sensations you would like to experience in your life, therefore not accepting relationships and environments that detract from this goal.

Step 3: Create action with your blueprint and personal manual. Just notice how your blueprint affects your life and know that you are more than your blueprint. You have the present and future to create the life you are seeking. Hold your personal manual close when taking action to become unstuck. This will help you enter into unchartered territory that may be a little scary.

Step 4: Be aware of what comes up for you when you have entered into new experiences and relationships. Notice that being aware is different from becoming attached to any fear, anxiety, and awkwardness you may have felt in this new territory. Reward yourself for creating meaningful action in your life. Navigating unfamiliar territory takes energy and motivation. Allow yourself to recharge afterwards if you feel it is necessary.

Seeking support from an experienced psychotherapist can facilitate in navigating these steps. Remember that becoming unstuck takes trying new things that are consistent with your needs and wants. Learn how and take action.

Published by www.selfgrowth.com on August 19, 2010

Too often we find ourselves anxious and disappointed when an opportunity dissolves or when things do not turn out the way we had hoped.  In such a crisis lies opportunity.  We have a choice, either we can dissolve with the failed opportunity or we can create other options.  Many people feel they do not have the ability to create new options, but that is simply not the case.  Such people are most likely speaking from a place of emotion and defeat, rather than from an eye-opening and confident standpoint.  How do we become individuals who make lemonade when life gives us lemons?  The answer is to learn the skills to remain active in order to create opportunities so we do not feel closed off.  There are several steps to take when one door closes so that another door will open.

Step 1:  Create calmness around the situation.  Creating calmness is still remaining active in this problem solving exercise.  Do not react, but simply experience whatever it is that comes up for you at the time.  We can handle more negative emotions and let down than we think.

Step 2:  When the emotion of the initial disappointment subsides (I recommend sleeping on it), begin researching options.  Create choices out of a situation that once felt like you had no choices.

Step 3:  Once you begin feeling the empowerment of learning of other options, your confidence will grow.  Your ability to simply take a different path will strengthen.

Step 4: Now that you have established self- empowerment in the situation, your ability to make a sound decision out of the options you created will increase.  Again, handle the decision making process with the same care you spent creating the opportunity for your self.

Once you have successfully completed this cycle of creating opportunity for yourself, you will handle your next bout of disappointment with greater ease.

Published article by www.selfgrowth.com on August 19, 2010

There are a few aspects that contribute to the feeling of inferiority that are important to consider as we strive to live authentic and fulfilling lives. Comparing our life to someone else's life is important to think about. Do you ever find yourself looking at a neighbor or maybe a colleague who makes it look so easy, therefore they are somehow better than you? The question is, how do you really know how this individual handles their life? Many people find themselves comparing their insides to other peoples' outsides. Do you monitor their every move and know with all certainty that they are a model of perfection that all should strive for? The answer is no. Then why do we do this? It is self-defeating. Perhaps, we feel the need to have a point of reference to ascertain that we are doing the right thing in this life. But again, we do not know if these individuals we are comparing ourselves to are these models of perfection we are making them out to be.

The other dynamic to dissect is the influence of media. More and more we are finding celebrities doing shoots without makeup and they actually look normal! We need to immunize ourselves to the perceived glamour and perfection our media portrays of celebrity life. We also need to immunize ourselves to the perceived standard of living the media portrays. Do we really need several cars in our driveway and homes that are too large for our families? Again, the answer is no.

 I often hear stories in my office regarding concern about perhaps a spouse's lack of follow through, a client being unmotivated, a teenager going from earning all A's and then dropping to C's. Many people become harsh when addressing what is going on. A spouse may complain that their partner never gets anything done, or a parent may express that their teenager has grown lazy and rebellious. When I slow things down and try to get a picture of what is going on with the person struggling, I often times find signs of depression.

Feeling empty, deflated, lethargic, struggling with follow through, body aches, and negative self talk, are all signs that depression may be lurking. Often times, when people get a string of disappointment in their life, feelings of depression may follow. Continuing life patterns that are unhealthy whether they involve substance abuse, dating unhealthy men or women, hanging out with friends who are not supportive, can contribute to negative patterns. Negative patterns can lead to feelings of depression, emptiness, and disempowerment.

Identifying the culprit at the root of the depression is key to experiencing relief. If you have experienced a recent loss, understanding the levels of grief may help you understand the extreme sadness. If depression runs in your family, you may have a biologic cause. Dissolving negative patterns can be achieved through talk therapy, recognizing issues, trying to step out of the patterns and try something different. Depression may feel disempowering, but there are many ways to regain control, happiness, and direction. Counseling can help you achieve this.